today i'm bursting with emotion, both good and bad. both came together to create a kaleidoscope of feelings that i've never experienced before which made me reflect on things in my own life, including life.
this morning our dear friends had their first baby. knowing the induction was the night before i woke at 6 am with excitement wanting to know the latest update. looking on facebook (fb) i discovered that things were going slow. as the morning progressed the news took a worrisome bend. i began to pray and then the frailty of life hit me. God's hand is on every life before birth, during birth, and after birth, through out their life and he alone knows the number of hairs and number of days. he gives each one of us a birth and life story to exemplify his sovereignty.
My boys birth stories were completely night and day, black and white, different. one was late, one was early. with one i worked up until he was born, the other required bed rest. one was head down, the other was breeched. i began to think about their entries into the world and found that the common denominator was prayer. with all the doctor degrees, equipment, and nurses sometimes we forget who is really in control. without prayer me, you, my boys, your neighbor, coworker would not be here, period.
the phrase "when all else fails pray" just struck me as kind of crazy. why look to other things? why does prayer have to be the last resort? why do we attempt other things, make bigger messes out of the situation and then out of desperation pray? why isn't prayer the first thing we do?
little kaleb mcmillon made it into the world just fine thanks to the ultimate physician. he's story is one already written in the books. as pics were posted on fb and i saw his sweet, round cherub face, a sense of sadness came over me. i wish i could have been there to rejoice with my dear friends but the miles kept me from doing so. i found that it is possible to miss and long to see someone who has only been in world for an hour. then God reminded me that i was there, through prayer and i'm apart of kaleb's God story and can continue to be if i keep praying for him.
so i sit, reflecting, and asking you the same question i was faced with today; what is your God story?
Friday, October 30, 2009
Saturday, October 24, 2009
1 Year Later!
HAPPY 1st BIRTHDAY TY!
Happy Birthday sweet boy! We love you so much!
Luv, Dad, Mom, and Wyatt
Luv, Dad, Mom, and Wyatt
It has been a fast, wild and crazy year but our little man is so much fun and we are so blessed that God chose us to be his parents.
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
extend a little
tonight at christmas play practice my car got backed into. it was sitting in the parking lot and the back of a van and the front of my car, who must have caught each others headlights across the lot, decided to meet. it was love at first smash.
it was a complete accident; one that i know all too well. i have hit many cars and countless stationery objects. currently my side mirror is missing and there is a mailbox on old frederick road with no door and a dent in the side.
when i was told the news the first word that came to my mind was grace. you see, there was a grey honda parked in my driveway owned by one of my college students. as we backed out of the driveway destined for starbucks and a carmel latte, something stopped me.....it was her car. as we surveyed the damage my stomach dropped into my feet. i knew i couldn't afford to fix it.
we kept our plans, even though the latte didn't quite taste the same. as she left she told me "no worries." i knew i had to pay for my actions and i offered to give her a small amount in retribution. again she said, "no worries."several months later i saw her and her car had brand new clear, red taillights. she had fixed her car and i hadn't paid a penny.
as i remembered the incident i decided to do the same. then the thought hit me, if everyone extends grace to just one person and that person to another, and that person to another and so on, then there would be a lot less law suits, fights and resentment. just one act of grace could change the world. i know it changes the world to the person who receives it.
it was a complete accident; one that i know all too well. i have hit many cars and countless stationery objects. currently my side mirror is missing and there is a mailbox on old frederick road with no door and a dent in the side.
when i was told the news the first word that came to my mind was grace. you see, there was a grey honda parked in my driveway owned by one of my college students. as we backed out of the driveway destined for starbucks and a carmel latte, something stopped me.....it was her car. as we surveyed the damage my stomach dropped into my feet. i knew i couldn't afford to fix it.
we kept our plans, even though the latte didn't quite taste the same. as she left she told me "no worries." i knew i had to pay for my actions and i offered to give her a small amount in retribution. again she said, "no worries."several months later i saw her and her car had brand new clear, red taillights. she had fixed her car and i hadn't paid a penny.
as i remembered the incident i decided to do the same. then the thought hit me, if everyone extends grace to just one person and that person to another, and that person to another and so on, then there would be a lot less law suits, fights and resentment. just one act of grace could change the world. i know it changes the world to the person who receives it.
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
with a little help
halloween is in a few days, which is evident by all the ghosts, witches, and other goblin costumes you see in stores and out in peoples yards. the stephens family has their own set of costumes as well. rob and i are going to be homer and marge simpson. wyatt is the beast off of x-men and ty is baby spiderman. (yes, wyatt is a super hero nut and picked out his costume) it's going to be fun pretending you're someone else for a night. i'm thankful i don't have to go through life wearing the blue beehive hair because blue is just not my color. i also realized i don't have to be who i have been pretending to be.
ever since ty was born ,a year ago saturday, i have put on a superwoman/supermom suit. i believed that i could do it all. i could raise & keep up with two kids under 3, keep up this house, help in the youth, train for races, and save the planet from global warming all off of no sleep, and no help. i would rather take them to the grocery store and risk coming home with half my items and permanent banishment form the store, then ask for someone to watch them. i would rather drink a pot of coffee in the morning than ask rob to get up with ty in the middle of the night.
but then i got tired. very tired. too tired to be the wife and mom i need to be. it was a trip to the grocery store with both boys that did me in. i shall not write about the horrific inscident. even stephen king doesn't have the words to pen such an event. just trust me when i say it was bad. i came to the humbling fact i need help. so i asked. it wasn't that hard. and that is what we're here for.
we are put on this planet with other humans not just to stare at them, or ignore, or to get annoyed at. those things will happen because we are fallen humans. we are put here to help each other out. we are not meant to and can't make it alone. we need to ask one other to get on and ride this boat called life. through the calm waters and the crashing waves. yes, admitting you can't do everything is a charlie horse to the ego but asking has to be done to get through. the good thing about charlie horses is that they go away quickly. your ego will get over it. the stress of not getting help won't and the effects will catch up to you.
i still have to put on my superwoman cape so i can fly on step ahead of the boys, but i'm going to try and leave the whole suit in the closet. i might pull it out from time to time because i'm stubborn! plus someone else might need my superhero abilities.
so sing with me the joe cocker tune..."i get by with a little help from my friends."
ever since ty was born ,a year ago saturday, i have put on a superwoman/supermom suit. i believed that i could do it all. i could raise & keep up with two kids under 3, keep up this house, help in the youth, train for races, and save the planet from global warming all off of no sleep, and no help. i would rather take them to the grocery store and risk coming home with half my items and permanent banishment form the store, then ask for someone to watch them. i would rather drink a pot of coffee in the morning than ask rob to get up with ty in the middle of the night.
but then i got tired. very tired. too tired to be the wife and mom i need to be. it was a trip to the grocery store with both boys that did me in. i shall not write about the horrific inscident. even stephen king doesn't have the words to pen such an event. just trust me when i say it was bad. i came to the humbling fact i need help. so i asked. it wasn't that hard. and that is what we're here for.
we are put on this planet with other humans not just to stare at them, or ignore, or to get annoyed at. those things will happen because we are fallen humans. we are put here to help each other out. we are not meant to and can't make it alone. we need to ask one other to get on and ride this boat called life. through the calm waters and the crashing waves. yes, admitting you can't do everything is a charlie horse to the ego but asking has to be done to get through. the good thing about charlie horses is that they go away quickly. your ego will get over it. the stress of not getting help won't and the effects will catch up to you.
i still have to put on my superwoman cape so i can fly on step ahead of the boys, but i'm going to try and leave the whole suit in the closet. i might pull it out from time to time because i'm stubborn! plus someone else might need my superhero abilities.
so sing with me the joe cocker tune..."i get by with a little help from my friends."
Monday, October 19, 2009
cleaning house
so i'm taking a break from cleaning this nasty house. it was too the point that there were enough crumbs on the counter to make a meal. the dirty clothes mutated to life and had a battle of the stenches. the socks created a line of defense against the pants and some tragically didn't make it, which is why sometimes you only find the last brave one.
as i was vacuuming the ground up potato chips, dried pizza and cereal crumbs off the carpet, the phrase "cleanliness is next to godliness" kept coming to my mind. to be honest, i hate that phrase. i'm not a clean freak, everything in it's place kind of person. my philosophy in life is the bigger mess you make the more fun you have. often my living room is transformed into a fort with sheets drapped over chairs, pillows stacked to the ceiling and toys surrounding the perimeter, ready for the attack. sometimes it stays like that overnight because the battle was not won.
as the vacuum sucked up the potato chip and i heard it crunch in the belt, i began to understand the phrase. we can't be Godly with dust from our past, filth from current sin, and crumbs from guilt in our lives. i remembered several times in scripture where God talked about cleaning our hearts especially before we approach Him. How often times do i invite Him to hang out in a filthy house? Come on in and sit down but move the papers off the couch. Don't mind the pizza boxes on the floor; just step over them. Oh, that picture? just blow the dust off and i'll tell you about it. i don't treat my guest like that and the Father of all deserves much more. hebrews 10 promises that if we clean our hearts from all sin and guilt then we will be able to draw near to Him. i concluded that the only way to godliness is to clean. God deserves a clean seat.
i peered into the window of my heart's house and i decided that there is alot of cleaning that needs to be done. i know that my house is never going to be spotless, but i can work on keeping it tidy. i'm still amazed at a God who wants to hang out in my house, when often i want to condemned it for it's filth.
now, back to cleaning both houses........
as i was vacuuming the ground up potato chips, dried pizza and cereal crumbs off the carpet, the phrase "cleanliness is next to godliness" kept coming to my mind. to be honest, i hate that phrase. i'm not a clean freak, everything in it's place kind of person. my philosophy in life is the bigger mess you make the more fun you have. often my living room is transformed into a fort with sheets drapped over chairs, pillows stacked to the ceiling and toys surrounding the perimeter, ready for the attack. sometimes it stays like that overnight because the battle was not won.
as the vacuum sucked up the potato chip and i heard it crunch in the belt, i began to understand the phrase. we can't be Godly with dust from our past, filth from current sin, and crumbs from guilt in our lives. i remembered several times in scripture where God talked about cleaning our hearts especially before we approach Him. How often times do i invite Him to hang out in a filthy house? Come on in and sit down but move the papers off the couch. Don't mind the pizza boxes on the floor; just step over them. Oh, that picture? just blow the dust off and i'll tell you about it. i don't treat my guest like that and the Father of all deserves much more. hebrews 10 promises that if we clean our hearts from all sin and guilt then we will be able to draw near to Him. i concluded that the only way to godliness is to clean. God deserves a clean seat.
i peered into the window of my heart's house and i decided that there is alot of cleaning that needs to be done. i know that my house is never going to be spotless, but i can work on keeping it tidy. i'm still amazed at a God who wants to hang out in my house, when often i want to condemned it for it's filth.
now, back to cleaning both houses........
Sunday, October 18, 2009
rainy mood but promised sunshine
so i didn't post yesterday b/c i wasn't in the mood. it's been raining for 3 days and we've been inside climbing the walls. it's supposed to be sunny and warm for the rest of the week and i can't wait to bask in it (and get out of these 4 walls!)
my mood turned into that of the chilly cold rain when i looked at our bank account. the numbers aren't howard county, md worthy. worry of paying upcoming bills began to set in and my stomach transformed into a knot. the knot began to tighten as i read a status on fb. (this is why you dear blogger need to become my obsession.) fb becomes a mirror into someones soul and with each post and status you begin to figure out who a person truly is. this particular status made my soul weep.
with all these heavy things on my shoulder i tried to make the best of the day with my men. it's a rarity we get to spend a whole Saturday together and i didn't want my saddened mood to ruin it.
rob told me i had to run; it wasn't an option and i could choose between the rain or treadmill. in my college training days i would have chose outside. motherhood has caused me to prove my tenacity in other ways then getting soaked in 40 degree weather. reluctantly i went on the treadmill.
the heaviness of worry made my pace slow. as the belt turned, so did my mind. each thought seemed to fall at my feet, onto the belt and roll off the back of the platform. as my mind cleared i began to hear my answers.
yes, I will provide. (phil 4:19) you have never been without. yes, you are where you need to be. yes, the daily investment in the boys is far more important than a savings investment. yes, I will reveal myself, in my time.
without knowing it i was running faster than i had in months. the weight was gone. all that was left was an empty yoke. after catching my breathe i screamed as the father did in mark 9:24 "I do believe; help my unbelief."
i know that worry will set in again. i know my stomach will be in knots again. i also know i will ponder on them for half a day before taking them to the One who is faithful to answer. maybe i should add to the statement of mark father, help my unbelief and procrastination.
my mood turned into that of the chilly cold rain when i looked at our bank account. the numbers aren't howard county, md worthy. worry of paying upcoming bills began to set in and my stomach transformed into a knot. the knot began to tighten as i read a status on fb. (this is why you dear blogger need to become my obsession.) fb becomes a mirror into someones soul and with each post and status you begin to figure out who a person truly is. this particular status made my soul weep.
with all these heavy things on my shoulder i tried to make the best of the day with my men. it's a rarity we get to spend a whole Saturday together and i didn't want my saddened mood to ruin it.
rob told me i had to run; it wasn't an option and i could choose between the rain or treadmill. in my college training days i would have chose outside. motherhood has caused me to prove my tenacity in other ways then getting soaked in 40 degree weather. reluctantly i went on the treadmill.
the heaviness of worry made my pace slow. as the belt turned, so did my mind. each thought seemed to fall at my feet, onto the belt and roll off the back of the platform. as my mind cleared i began to hear my answers.
yes, I will provide. (phil 4:19) you have never been without. yes, you are where you need to be. yes, the daily investment in the boys is far more important than a savings investment. yes, I will reveal myself, in my time.
without knowing it i was running faster than i had in months. the weight was gone. all that was left was an empty yoke. after catching my breathe i screamed as the father did in mark 9:24 "I do believe; help my unbelief."
i know that worry will set in again. i know my stomach will be in knots again. i also know i will ponder on them for half a day before taking them to the One who is faithful to answer. maybe i should add to the statement of mark father, help my unbelief and procrastination.
Friday, October 16, 2009
disappointment & attitude
today we were supposed to meet someone and play at jump zone. the boys were going to jump until their legs became spaghetti and they couldn't walk anymore. then we were going to go home, have lunch, then exhaustion would demand naps from all of us. but no.....
poop causes us to get out the door late, and the nasty, cold rain makes traffic slow, making the trip last longer. we get there 10 min after the place opens and there is a line out the door, spilling outside and winding down the ramp. within 10 min jz has reached its 75 kid limit and those are the people waiting to get in!! after finding my friend and telling her i had to go home, i left in a less than happy mood. wyatt was a little disappointed until i gave him two options; toys r us or drive back home and go visit a friend. he chose his friend and his disappointment vanished before we left the parking lot.
we played at his friends for an hr and he had a ball. it took me until after lunch to get out of my foul mood. God used my little man to teach me several lessons. one, His ways are not our ways (isaiah 55:8) yes, i had my day planned out and God is a fan of planning but i believe he's a bigger fan of flexibility. God's plans are perfect and he had a better day planned out for me. so far i've seen that, in watching him and rob wrestle on the bed, look up x-men videos on youtube, and watching my baby sleep.
he taught me about being excited about the other options in life. i fumed and fumed over the hassle of dragging both boys out in the nasty weather, fighting traffic, standing in the rain waiting to talk to my friend, wasting gas, etc......all the trivial inconviences. wyatt became excited about seeing his friend. my attitude was shaped by my circumstances, not the possibilities.
from now on i want to try and develop the attitude of a 3 yr old, when it comes to disappointment and quickly forget them so i can move on to bigger and better things. jz didn't happen but today's possibilities are endless. i forsee cars, crayons, superheros, and a possible pillow fight. i believe it's going to be a good day.
poop causes us to get out the door late, and the nasty, cold rain makes traffic slow, making the trip last longer. we get there 10 min after the place opens and there is a line out the door, spilling outside and winding down the ramp. within 10 min jz has reached its 75 kid limit and those are the people waiting to get in!! after finding my friend and telling her i had to go home, i left in a less than happy mood. wyatt was a little disappointed until i gave him two options; toys r us or drive back home and go visit a friend. he chose his friend and his disappointment vanished before we left the parking lot.
we played at his friends for an hr and he had a ball. it took me until after lunch to get out of my foul mood. God used my little man to teach me several lessons. one, His ways are not our ways (isaiah 55:8) yes, i had my day planned out and God is a fan of planning but i believe he's a bigger fan of flexibility. God's plans are perfect and he had a better day planned out for me. so far i've seen that, in watching him and rob wrestle on the bed, look up x-men videos on youtube, and watching my baby sleep.
he taught me about being excited about the other options in life. i fumed and fumed over the hassle of dragging both boys out in the nasty weather, fighting traffic, standing in the rain waiting to talk to my friend, wasting gas, etc......all the trivial inconviences. wyatt became excited about seeing his friend. my attitude was shaped by my circumstances, not the possibilities.
from now on i want to try and develop the attitude of a 3 yr old, when it comes to disappointment and quickly forget them so i can move on to bigger and better things. jz didn't happen but today's possibilities are endless. i forsee cars, crayons, superheros, and a possible pillow fight. i believe it's going to be a good day.
Thursday, October 15, 2009
What have i done?
well who knows what this is going to be. it could be my latest obsession, sorry facebook. or it could be a last thought, never to go past this little rant. who knows. only time will tell.
this is created with cattle prodding from my caring husband. he suggested i needed an outlet for my emotions and sanity. he knows that dealing with one big and two little stephens boys is not for the faint of heart and if emotions are not let out then one might spontaneously combust. (wait! maybe that's why my lung collapsed!)
so here it is. my life, if anyone cares. let the documented chasing begin.........
this is created with cattle prodding from my caring husband. he suggested i needed an outlet for my emotions and sanity. he knows that dealing with one big and two little stephens boys is not for the faint of heart and if emotions are not let out then one might spontaneously combust. (wait! maybe that's why my lung collapsed!)
so here it is. my life, if anyone cares. let the documented chasing begin.........
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