to write or not to write

lately the boys have kept me so hopping i've had to drink my coffee during scrubs at bath time. the days have left my brain a pile oatmeal. it's only going to get worse as the holidays are coming and family is traveling in. i'm excited to hang with my bro and do some sight seeing with them. all this to say i have no idea when a coherent blog will come. maybe in 18 yrs........

smile

once again the world has ceased to amaze me, with yet another act of useless violence. society is filled with murder, greed, selfishness, anger, and just plain ugliness. it's the effects of the fall but we don't have adapt the attitude and be in a constant state of depression and despair. with all the nastiness surrounding us how do we keep a positive outlook? the answer is found in one simple word and act; smile.
what is a smile? once again webster's came to the rescue and gave me several responses. in it's intransitive verb state is means: to have or take on a facial expression showing usually pleasure, amusement, affection, friendliness, etc., or, sometimes, irony, derision, etc. and characterized by an upward curving of the corners of the mouth and a sparkling of the eyes. in the transitive verb meaning is reads: to change or affect by smiling. so what does all this dictionary smart talk mean?
it tells how simple a smile is. just curving the corners of the mouth. it doesn't take great effort or time to do it. it also shows how much it does and it's power to change. it changes someones whole facial expression including the eyes. the eyes can tell someone's story without the lips uttering a word. in a smile the eyes sparkle which creates light that hits those around them. it also changes and affects attitudes. have you ever been in awful mood and then heard a joke or someone gave you a smile? suddenly you forgot why you were angry, sad, grumpy, lonely or irritated.
one of my favorite things to do is to make someone laugh or smile. it's my way of helping them forget about their situation, even if it's just for a minute. as believers we have all the reason in the world to smile! i don't believe Jesus walked around with a frown on his face, and we shouldn't either. the world needs to wonder why we are smiling despite of war, low economy, homelessness, hunger, and violence. smiles have a boomerang effect. you can't give a smile without it instantly coming back to and slapping you right back in the face.
there are so many sad things in the world today that smiles don't happen often. so the questions of the day is what makes you smile? and look at it. who can i make smile? and do it.

oh mind where are thou?

when i found out i was pregnant with wyatt i read all i could and got advice from seasoned moms and the d word kept coming up. not dad, doula, or diapers but dumb. i was being warned that pregnancy hormones makes you dumb and stupid so beware and take every precaution possible. i laughed in the face of advice and went about my business of getting round and preparing a baby room, until......
i went to giant food to buy groceries like i had done a gozillion times before. after the nice lady checked all my items i swiped my debit card as quickly as doc holiday draws his gun, and the machine flashed 3 little letters p-i-n. i stared at those letters like it was a quantum physics problem. after several failed attempts i had to come to the realization that my 4-digit pin was lost in the abyss of hormonal stupidity.
the hormones attacked every hemisphere of my brain leaving no room for further damage with my second pregnancy. the addition of ty did bring on a different type of forgetfulness and stupidity. i shall call it double kid-nesia. double kid-nesia is when two or more kids stress the brain and other body parts to forgetfulness, confusion and exhaustion.
there have been times where i have found coffee cups in the linen closet. i couldn't remember the name of the road i was on, which led to me to wonder if i was really on a road at all. i have entered the walmart check out questioning if all the things i had put in the cart were still there. i have gone back into the grocery store and walmart multiply times hunting for left behind, in the chaos, personal effects. my arms have put ads in the paper requesting alternate residence because their current one is more like a sweatshop than a two bedroom, plush carpet, balcony, over looking the ocean condo. i have had to sit and try to remember if i have brushed my teeth, eaten or peed.
at the end of the day the daily chores and tasks of dealing with two little ones turns my brain into oatmeal. but there are a few things i do know and will never forget. i know i was created to be a mom. i do know that i will always love them with an indescribable love. my arms will never be too tired to hold and comfort. i also know that laughing is the best medicine for any boo boo and foul attitude. i will never forget the feeling and emotion i felt when i saw and held them for the first time. i know i have to rely on the Lords strength everyday to get me through everyday. i know it's an undeserved privilege to have these little men. i know it's a gigantic task to raise them in the Lord and to teach them to be His warriors. i also know that i am insanely and incredibly blessed.
i have no clue if i'm coming or going, in or out, frontwards, backwards, sideways or somewhere in between. but i do know without a shadow of a doubt, they are worth a few brain cells.

significance

significance. what is it and how is it defined and who defines it for a person? simple as they come, i turned to webster's to look for a definition. there is states : the quality of being important.
i was faced with the definition and idea of importance last night when i opened my email. i had applied for various freelance positions and i had received another rejection. (at least this time the company had the courtesy to email back.) as i set dejected i began to ask myself why i was feeling this way. it all boiled down to significance.
i wanted someone else other than my family, because they are supposed to, say i was important. to tell me i had a skill, a gift and their company couldn't survive a second longer without my unique ability. my caring husband began to talk me into a calmer state and made me realize what true significance is.
significance is not defined by a skill or talent or the amount you might get paid to preform that skill everyday. it's not defined by education and how many degrees may be hanging on the wall. it's not defined by sport or music accolades that sit on the shelves and eventually collect dust. significance is defined by the lives you touch.
my role in life now is not to be a writer but a mom and not just a mom but a really good mom. unfortunately there are plenty of bad ones in the world today and being a good mom is hard to achieve. it's a daily goal that has to be reached and surpassed.
i'm also called to be a supportive wife. to make sure my husband's needs are met and that he feels loved and respected. to make the house a safe haven, a place where he can relax and unwind after an exhausting day.
another role i'm call to do is that of a servant. to serve those who may need help with kids, food, shelter, or a simple listening ear. what an amazing, hands-on lesson the boys and i can do together.
i have a job, a very important job; to be signifciant to by my husband, boys and the world around me. it's going to be tough dressing up like super heros, watching phineas and ferb, playing peek-a-boo, baking brownies for hungry youth, grilling steaks, and laughing at corney jokes but someone has to do it.